any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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