Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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