So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
