Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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