Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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