i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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