The best revenge is premature balding
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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