You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
