it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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