Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
