Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Rumble strips road head = magical
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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