blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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