it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
