a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
