i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you.
Bad choice
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
