using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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