I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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