there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
