She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
