my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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