Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
