Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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