She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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