Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
