Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
