i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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