We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?