im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out