So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out