Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey