Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
