yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
