cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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