If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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