i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
