you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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