Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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