Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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