I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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