after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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