She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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