Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
