Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
