He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
