We won't sleep together?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize