my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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