Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize