I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
