A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
