It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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