The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
