that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
