are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
