last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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