I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
