So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
