you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We need to get me chipped asap
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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